As it’s Christmas, I thought I’d treat you all to a break from me pretending to be an expert, and instead do what I do best: slagging off ads.
Without further ado, here are my naughtiest and nicest criticisms of every Christmas ad from 2023. Let’s start with the dullest ones…
Very
Concept: Animated flamingos deliver Christmas presents from Very.
Nice: The creative vision of bird-run Liverpool, Very’s hometown, is visually interesting. Lots of thoughtful touches in making the home scenes relevant to target audience.
Naughty: It’s just flamingos delivering presents. The entire concept is merely that flamingos aren’t Christmassy. It’s not terrible, but it could be an advert for almost any retailer on this list if you remove the Very logos.
Argos
Concept: A doll dances around various products you can buy at Argos while being filmed by a toy dinosaur.
Nice: Harmless and lighthearted. Neatly shows off Argos’s Christmas bestsellers.
Naughty: Entirely generic. I’d call it a cynical nod to the Barbie movie but that would imply that it incited any emotion in me at all, which it didn’t.
Sainsburys
Concept: A little girl hijacks the intercom at Sainsbury’s to ask what Father Christmas has for dinner, staff chip in with their answers.
Nice: Decent concept with lots of potential.
Naughty: Needs some creative corsetry. It feels like a load of disparate jokes and themes mashed together, suggestive of copy by committee. And let’s not even start on why Rick Astley was involved. Has the team behind this not been online since 2008?
ASDA
Concept: Michael Bublé is the CEO of ASDA, perusing their Christmas range to ensure it’s up to scratch.
Nice: Mildly charming cast. Entertaining script. Amusing glint of embarrassment in Bublé’s eye. I particularly enjoy the way he looks like he’s one take away from throwing himself off a bridge at the end. Cheer up, Michael, it might never happen!
Naughty: Why does he only sing right at the end? Talk about not making the most of their expensive celebrity endorsement. If I’d been in charge, I’d have written the entire script as a hilarious song and it would’ve been Christmas number one and won a Cannes Lion.
M&S 1: The one everyone hated
Concept: Various slebs doing Christmas things before violently jettisoning other things because they hate them.
Nice: I don’t mind the ‘This Christmas, do only what you love’ message. Parents have enough on their plates without feeling pressure to do ‘Elf on the Shelf’ or whatever else. Sadly, audiences didn’t feel the same.
Naughty: Boring celebrity cameos that don’t make the most of their talents. Dreary dark lighting like it’s a BBC drama about someone going missing.
M&S 2: No plot? No problem!
Concept: A Christmas fairy (Dawn French) brings a little girl’s lost pair of mittens (Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney) to life and gives them a Christmas feast.
Nice: The mittens are visually cute. The idea of them selling those mittens, or even a Dawn French fairy tree ornament, doesn’t make me despair.
Naughty: But, unfortunately, I just don’t care about the mittens at all. They aren’t remotely upset to be missing their owner, nor particularly excited to be having their own independent adventure. The fairy’s tame Christmas japes are too mundane to warrant enthusiasm.
It feels like the writers were so excited to have the two Wrexham lads involved that they forgot to write a story anyone would care about. They got the beginning of the plot down and then gave up on it.
And why draft in two Americans for a very British heritage brand? Again, fair enough if you’re trying to make a specific point by doing so, but otherwise it just feels jarring. Too separate from the brand.
Sports Direct
Concept: A little girl writes down what she’s dreaming of this Christmas, imagining beating various sportspeople at their own game.
Nice: I like the idea.
Naughty: But not so much the execution. Another case of too many different ingredients failing to combine smoothly, and the central girl gets lost in a few of the scenes.
It also feels too derivative of Nike’s fantastic Nothing Beats A Londoner, visually speaking, only without being as pleasant or polished. And Sports Directs are far from the only offenders on that front.
But even if you think I’m being harsh, we can all agree that changing the lyrics of ‘Everybody Wants to Rule the World’ to ‘Everybody Loves This Time of Year’ for one lousy chorus is just crap.
Boots
Concept: A little girl realises nobody ever gives presents to Father Christmas, so she goes on a logistical mission to give him, and everyone she meets along the way, a present from Boots.
Nice: Sweet and silly without being overly saccharine. Well done to them for striking the balance.
Naughty: The gifts feel a bit… well, shit. I know that’s the joke for Father Christmas’s flight compression socks, but what’s the excuse for the rest of them? Surely Boots has some better presents to show off?
Morrisons
Concept: Various oven mitts sing ‘Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now’ as an ensemble of different households prepare Christmas dinner.
Nice: More interesting than many of the others here. Draws your attention even if the pay-off is ‘meh’. And the commenters on that video are practically squirting about how good the ad is, so they must have done something right.
Naughty: Visually boring for such a whimsical concept. Again with the drab lighting. I miss when things on the telly were colourful.
Lidl
Concept: A dog runs past the Christmas tree breaking a monkey ornament and then a raccoon gets involved. Look, there’s a lot going on, just watch the ad yourself.
Nice: A cute, clear story. The raccoon is well animated.
Naughty: Why doesn’t the raccoon get invited inside after he went all that way to help? Why does the dog threateningly chase the raccoon out of the house only then to bring him Christmas dinner? Why doesn’t the little boy find out about the raccoon and thank him? I hate the injustice of this cruel Lidl world and am grateful I don’t live in it.
Waitrose
Concept: Townhouse DINKs celebrate Christmas with food-related mischief featuring Graham Norton.
Nice: I like and agree with the ‘When the food’s good, everything’s good’ message. Graham Norton’s appearance isn’t as grating or pointless as the other celebrity cameos on this list. Also love the ‘Excuse me, we've had multiple reports of a... Florentine-inspired panettone?’ line from the coppers.
Naughty: That bloody dismal lighting again. Stop that.
Aldi
Concept: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but with Aldi’s Kevin the Carrot character.
Nice: Kevin is less ham-fisted than other brands’ quirky Christmas characters. Thoughtful delivery neutralises the cynicism of trotting out a special Christmas character at all. And maybe I’m losing my edge after four hot toddies in quick succession, but the ‘cheese to the factory’ line raised a smile.
Naughty: I’m distracted by imagining the IP conversations required to produce this ad. Did they get permission from the Dahl estate? Or was it deemed far enough removed from the original, or simply fair use for parody purposes?
John Lewis
Concept: A little boy grows a magic giant Venus flytrap and they become friends, until the plant trashes the living room. But they still find a way to include it in their Christmas celebrations.
Nice: Feel good fun with a clear story. You can’t help but feel sorry for the poor old plant being left out, lovely characterisation from the animation team.
Naughty: Don’t make me feel sorry for your plant and then not bloody bring him inside. The ideal condition for Venus flytraps is 21-35°C, he’s going to die out there! Heartless bastards.
Barbour
Concept: Shaun the Sheep and his dog friend try to repair the farmer's tattered old Barbour jacket in vain, only for the jacket to magically become repaired via force majeure.
Nice: Excellent tie-in with characters everybody knows and nobody hates. Covers every segment of their audience I can think of. Executed well.
Naughty: Slightly rushed, nonsensical ending. If the dog could simply click his fingers to fix the jacket all along, why didn’t he just do that at the start?
Amazon
Concept: A trio of elderly ladies watch children sledding down a hill when one of them has the idea to buy their own sleds on Amazon so they can rediscover the fun for themselves.
Nice: Just the right level of sweet. Effective in its simplicity. Tastefully executed.
No shoehorned celebrity appearances. No random animated animal or object mascot. Not over the top sentimental — none of the ladies are on their deathbed using their last words to ask Alexa to order them a sled, for example.
I saw many negative criticisms of it on LinkedIn, but I think it’s the best of the bunch.
Naughty: Fangs away for this one, I’d say it’s faultless.
Aww. What a soppy note to end on.
Actually, let’s make it even soppier.
It’s easy to criticise, but everyone in this industry knows how easy it is for creative projects to go awry.
Even the best ideas get taken out of context, squashed by limited budgets, rushed by tight deadlines, poorly executed by sloppy juniors, sanitised by neurotic seniors, depleted by endless rounds of feedback, and kiboshed by key stakeholders.
If you worked on any of these adverts, please don’t be offended by anything I’ve said here. I understand that the results of your work on campaigns like this are often out of your control. None of these ads are even close to car crash tier. At worst, a few of them are boring and unimaginative — but unfortunately that’s often exactly what clients want.
So don’t be too upset with me. Remember, you wrote an ad seen by millions while I’m writing a newsletter nobody reads.
And on that note, have a very merry Christmas and a fantastic new year.
